1. Author, photographer, world traveler, educator, priest, poet and clown; it seems your outlets are endless. Have these avenues allowed you to express yourself fully or is there still more for you to explore?
That’s only been a slice of the list… but there is always more! I’ve never had a cast of my body made, been to India, had audio recordings of my music distributed (though I have started distributing audio recordings of my courses), or been a published fiction author. Just a few ideas of stuff I still want to do. I have dreams for near future involving scale (reaching out to the masses more, diversifying my audience and the types of classes I teach, books I write, etc), but I made a promise to a high school sweetheart that I would open up a bordello when I get to be in my 60s, so that’s still on my radar too.
2.You are a priest with the Temple of Atonement, can you tell us a little about that? What it means to you.
I have served as a priest there, but its been a few years. The Temple of Atonement is a BDSM space at BurningMan- we build a giant dungeon, offer classes, run slave auctions, parties… but also offer to the folks there a service called Atonement. You come before the Judge, and confess your sin. That sound simple enough, and for most people its harmless fun- our motto is “Sin, Repent, Repeat” so most people confess that they have been naughty boys and girls, they come in, get a spanking, and leave.
But I am proud of my work at the Temple because of the serious cases. People who ask to get real things off their chests. Rapists who have served time in prison and need to be under the lash to feel like they have in fact atoned. People who have broken their partners’ hearts. Those who were not there for the death of their parents. When I worked with these people I felt the will of the divine come down through my flesh and say what needed said to them, had them be pushed how they needed pushed, created the ordeals that would help them move on as new people… those are the evenings as a Priest(ess) for the Temple of Atonement I am truly blessed by. The Temple also is about family for me. I am a rare creature it seems to be blessed with many leather families, but the Temple is one of those cores in my heart. I have run into Templemates across the globe in strange circumstances and it’s always been a sense of instant recognition. They have seen the sunrise over steel beams and miles of desert dust. They have laughed and cried over sushi, great music, and tried to get playa out of their boots. They have had tears of elation as soulful bliss took place in the middle of nowhere surrounded by 40,000 strangers. They are a part of my being.
3. Spirituality is an important aspect of your life obviously. Do you see BDSM as having a strong spiritual connection for people?
It depends on who I talk to. For some people BDSM is a way to have hot nookie and doesn’t mean much more. For others it is about transformational work at the core. We are each unique snowflakes, and I’m good with that.
4. Having traveled to various BDSM communities around the world, what is your impression of the global success of BDSM as a lifestyle?
Success? Lifestyle? I’m at a bit of a loss at both of these words to be honest.
BDSM is not a lifestyle in my opinion, nor is it a community, or a scene. It is groups of individuals who have gathered together to create lifestyles, communities and scenes. Each group has their own rules, own styles, own opinions, own protocols, own language and own passions. There is not a single lifestyle. Yes, there are similarities between communities- but there is no single lifestyle.
So what is success? I personally think success is about embracing ourselves as individuals and finding the people who will support us on our own journey towards erotic authenticity, core truth, finding ourselves between the lines of media messages, woulda, coulda and shoulda. If that is the definition of success- then I have to say everywhere. Everywhere I have gone I have met lights that shine out in the darkness. Individuals who show me that I am not alone in my quest to be true to myself. But everywhere I have gone I have also met people who want to stomp out the lights of others out of a fear that if that person shines, there is no hope for them to shine too. It saddens me deeply, but I see it everywhere, and I mean everywhere I go. I just keep hoping that those of us living in light, love and compassion will keep shining, keep setting an example, keep helping others know that they can be true to themselves without destroying what others love.
5. Which country would you say has been most accepting of the BDSM lifestyle?
I have been blessed to get to teach or play across the USA, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, Germany, Denmark, France, England, Ireland, the Caymans, and the Netherlands… plus one strange visit to a swingers club in China (the “After 8 Friend Changing Club” in Xi’an). The hottest play I ever had thus far was in Australia. The nicest non-kink locals who had no idea what was going on were in West Virginia. The most stringent rules regulators of the scene were in London. The best pervy street fair was Folsom (San Francisco). Chicago loves its LeatherMen and the millions of dollars in taxes that IMrL brings in every year… Nina Hartley still harasses me that I should write a Frommers Guide to Kink- all the events I’ve ever been to… think I should?
6. Approaching 300 classes taught that relate to sexuality, what subject has been the most personally rewarding?
Any of my courses that actually push people to look at what they are doing in their sex life now, and compare it to what they truly want in their life. Any of them. I have a bundle in that idea right now, and its been so amazing to get to bounce between Buddhist cohens and hot sex in one class and see people open up and realize where they are really at in their own scull and spirit rather than what people have labeled them as. Close second goes to classes where I get to cry during it.
7. How does the BDSM lifestyle vary around the world, in the ways it is practiced, in your experiences?
It really depends on the group not the country. Yes, there are stereotypes that exist for a reason- there are more classical fetishists in England and more blood players in the NW who wear flannel… but I can also go to kink events in England where I can wear flannel and throw piercings into someone, or find a rubberists group in Portland, Oregon if I look for it.
8. What role has being transgender played in your desire to educate?
There is an amazing author, educator and shaman named Raven Kaldera who I have a smidge of a love – hate- love relationship with. A number of years ago he wrote an essay (http://www.cauldronfarm.com/writing/wouldbeletter.html) “to would be transsexuals” that said “Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you, for the rest of your life.” It’s true. If I hadn’t already liked talking, I would be anyway because people are curious. They want to know why the nice, hot, funny, sexy woman decided she needed to get rid of her breasts and take hormones and become a nice, hot, funny, sexy man.
But the truth is I’ve been teaching since I was young. I was one of those Mensa kids, and part of that in my growing up meant helping others learn too- that we all have to learn for the planet to learn, all have to ascend for the planet to ascend. I also am the type of person who learns best by talking it through out loud, asking questions, and debating. I’ve been teaching since I was 4 years old, I just changed topics and got more effective at my delivery.
9. How has being transgender impacted your involvement in the community?
It’s been tricky- I was involved in the scene publicly for 11 years as Bridgett, and I still get “she’d” a lot in correspondence (only a handful of folks do it in person). It’s a transition for everyone, getting used to the new me who is still the old me but who isn’t 
But to be honest, being an author and educator has more to do with my involvement in the community than my gender stuff does. I get looked at strangely when I want to bottom in public now. I get people who want to play with me because of who I am in their head rather than who I am in the flesh. I am a learn-a-holic and now people look at me and literally ask “what are you doing in my class?” I have people at events stop me in hallways and restaurants and expect me to devote my time to their issues- when I am trying to eat a sandwich with an old friend or someone I’m cruising.
Don’t get me wrong- I love meeting people, asking questions, and giving when I can- but when it stops me from getting nookie or quality time with old buds, I get a wee bit cranky some days… maybe asking me if now is a good time is a place to start?
10. Do you feel an obligation to be active as a speaker and educator to the BDSM community?
I am a professional in a hobbyists community- I admit it. This is my full time living. I do not do this for fun and free hotel rooms. It used to be, back when I was in porn, but I’m not any more and teaching classes, writing books, recording audio lectures… its my full time gig.
I commend individuals who teach out of obligation or need to pay back to their community. However, I also believe that you get what you pay for, and as an event producer I am happy to compensate individuals who are teaching at my events. I will happily pay top dollar for top experience as an attendee of non-kink events- why would I do less than that as an attendee of something as important of my sex life?
11. Has your time spent in the adult film industry allowed you to reach people you may not have been able to otherwise?
I’m not entirely sure to be honest. I get the occasional email still, but I did my adult industry work under the name Bridgett, not Lee, and so currently those folks are not connecting me with the former me. I am debating whether I will do adult work under my current name, but so far the vote has come in to focus on my work in education, art, writing, and other endeavors.
12. You teach at universities. How is that forum different than BDSM specific events?
Insider Language. If I have learned nothing else from my University teaching, it is that in any sub-culture (such as fetish/BDSM/Leather/Kink), we use a lot of language that to us is every day language, but makes other people look at us confused… or worse, assume something we did not mean. We are separated by a common language indeed!
Let’s take Fetish. In our sub-culture it can mean something we like (I have a fetish for shoes), or a type of wardrobe (the dress code is fetish), or a label for our sub-culture as a whole (this is the fetish community). In a university setting, it can mean something we like (a partialism- something we like), something we need so badly we are non-functional (a paraphilia- something we need, aka a clinical fetish)… and there are usually a thousand assumptions on why the fetish is there.
My favorite language awareness came at the University of Sydney. I was having a discussion with the head of their Sexology program, and she said she would like to see someone do a study on using CBT for individuals in the BDSM community. I paused, looked at her a long time, and started laughing under my breath. She asked why I was laughing, and I explained that CBT in our community meant “Cock and Ball Torture.” She blushed, as she had meant “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.” Whoops.
I do love the challenge of teaching at Universities though- creating a common language between the audience and myself, exposing individuals to worlds they may not be aware of, and best yet, helping that one person in the room who thought they were the only one realize they are not alone.
13. I would guess rope bondage but just for fun, what style of BDSM play best allows you to express yourself?
Rope is not actually. Don’t get me wrong, rope is great- I love doing it as art, as kink, as something I know inside and out and now know how to play Jazz with, riff on, create something without having to think about it. But nope, I’d have to say a fine line between sex and sacred D/s. I realized about 5 years ago, after 7 or 8 years in kink, that I really liked sex. I liked being fucked a lot. And I wasn’t doing a lot of it because I was around a lot of spaces that were no-sex spaces, or people who believed sex and BDSM are meant to be separate entities. Neither approach is wrong, but I realized sex had become edge play for me, and I wanted to go back to that edge I loved. I love being fucked, filled, used, and coercing people into letting me use them as toys. I adore being the center of groups, the intimacy of connection, the openness of having someone slide their whole fist into either of my lower holes. Whether I order, grunt, moan, cry, insist, whimper or plead… I get to express myself a lot.
Sacred Dominance and submission is the other place I get to express myself fully. When the line is crossed from something that is a good time to reaching out to a space of soul recognition, seeing a slice of the divine staring back at me through their eyes- I can dive deep. As can they. Both sex and sacred D/s open me up wide… but in the first one I can control the ride while in the second one the universe usually controls me.
14. What impact has the Internet had on you personally as an educator and personality? How do you feel it has influenced the BDSM lifestyle?
I’m 29. I am a child of the I-generation, sucking on the fumes of Gen-X. We were the first ones to grow up saving our homework on floppy disks, and by the time I was in high school BBS’s had given way to the ability to find anything about anyone. I thus do not feel that I can speak about a time before the internet because the internet has grown up with me. It is my sibling, my friend, my arch-enemy, my lover.
I know a lot of the history of our people- I am a 4th generation pervert myself (the things we find out sitting in on lectures by Robert V. Bienvenu II) and am blessed by having learned physical skillset and history of Leather, Kink, Fetish and Swinging from a bundle of those who were there. But the internet depriving us of our privacy- I knew it about my school scores and poetry publishing at the age of 12. The internet opening us up to other possibilities and people to talk with- I had that by the time I was 13 and chatting with folks online as well as playing privately with people who had used the shadows of internet very well indeed. The internet helping us find sex clubs and each other in person- I was playing publicly using a fake ID and the internet by the time I was 15.
The internet makes it easier for people to explore their shadow under a fake name, for both good and ill. But the idea that the internet allowed people to shift my identity easier, project onto me… friends of mine that have been writing dirty books since the 50s tell me that those projections have been running since the kids at Pompeii pulled out their chalk and started scribbling. But gosh, I do enjoy owning all these pretty websites- as long as I know it never goes away. None of it. I can still find my poetry from middle school if I dig hard enough.
15: What is a leather family to you?
Leather family is family of choice, those who hold similar or complimentary ethics, standards, morals, motivations, protocols, rituals and passions as you. For years I bemoaned the fact that I had no “leather family of my own,” that I was the redheaded cousin of a bundle of different leather families across the globe who loved me and adored me but they were not the intimate tribe of my heart.
But then one day I reflected on a book I had read back in University called “Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom” by John O’Donohue. In this text, he argues that we each have those who are Anam Cara, or “friends of our soul,” and that back in the shifting sands of time our immortal clay lay next to theirs in a time when all souls were one. I had had a realization back then that my soul must have been from Ohio, or any of the other patchwork states, for I have met so many friends of my soul, loves of my life, people whose core I recognize in me… and have been blessed for it. But about a year or two ago I realized that this applied to my leather families as well. I was bemoaning the fact that I had no leather family “of my own” when in fact I was blessed with an amazing abundance of leather families who truly do love me. It was at about this time when I realized how blessed I already was instead of being upset about what I did not have that the universe then looked at me and started handing me those last details of leather family I was hungry for: people who would serve under my banner and create a universe of love, trust, respect, history, unity and bliss under my banner as you will. I accepted the position offered to me of taking over co-running a leather family of my own as it were, but with a new understanding that all of the leather families I am part of are also mine because I touch their lives and they touch mine.
As a side note, I actually rebelled against using the term Leather for years when it comes to self-identification. If you want to hear my transformation not just to accepting the term as core to me but embracing it and having it help me fly as a human on this path called life, head to http://www.passionandsoul.com/educator/ where I have the audio lecture available for download on Leather Fetishism and Identity… its been a long uphill journey, but worth every moment.
16. What work do you feel the greater BDSM community still needs to do to dispell the myths about itself, if anything?
Join the PTA. Be human to and with your neighbors. Be yourself unapologetically and full of joy, without being hurtful to those who want to know you as a human. Smile. Stop trying to “squick the norms” and then getting upset when the “norms” pass laws against your desires. Become active in local politics (not just signing online petitions and thinking that is enough- you don’t have to be an out perv, just an out human who likes other humans). Love. In general, do all the things we should try to be as citizens of a world consciousness… as the kinksters, leatherfolk, fetishists, perverts and all that that we also happen to be. Loving each other would be helpful too.
17: Who are some of the people in the community you admire and look up to?
Its funny, I actually have a habit of recounting my teachers during my rope bondage classes, because I believe that when we remember their names they will always live on… Eddie, James Mogul, Joel Albert (who learned from Lou Duff), JD from the Two Knotty Boys, Midori, Stickman of Seattle, Michael Decker, Gord, Jay Wiseman, Tom Wood, LthrEdge, Charles & Andromeda, Master “K”, Malixe, Paul Bates, Ice Cammins Bretts, Zamil & maliZ, Mark of Dv8 House, Esinem, Peter Throckmorton, Mark Yu, Scott Smith, Julie Heart… and so many others. But even with rope my teaching has not come just from those whose feet I have sat at, but those I have walked with, my siblings in rope: Emma Hui, Dov of NYC, MorTis, Lochai, MRK, Neptune Glory, Bad Faggot, Max (of Seattle), DeLano N. Distress, Lenora, Lolita Wolf, Sxy Sadist, Claire Adams, Ayem Willing, PsychoKitty, Janice, LqqkOut, Jim Duvall, Madison Young, Bindher, Master Jack, Graydancer, Vincenza, Sir C, Mick & Dee Luvbight, Moraxian, Aleni, Rose Algren, Boss Bondage, Twisted Monk… the list here goes on and on, just of rope!
There are a lot of bright lights in the communities of perverts, sexplorers, erotic adventurers and passion cosmonauts that I have encountered. The people who I admire and are turned on by intellectually and emotionally are those who shake it up and don’t stay static. They are the ones who ask the hard questions, who inspire others, who don’t settle for second when first is possible. These bliss pioneers are the ones who grab the machete and cut through the forest of fear so that those who come later can find a path blazed before them.
The list of educators, performers and porn producers I love in rope above are just a few of those people, because education, performing and producing are only 3 ways we reach out to pave the way. Others do it by attending classes, asking tough questions, forming groups, running munches, setting examples, and shaking things up. Some do it by maintaining traditions, doing activism work, engaging with politicians, volunteering at events, donating to charities and helping people in need. There are a thousand ways to be a force of change and a force of love, and it is those individuals who I encounter who are these things and more that I look up to. The people who do something rather than grumble, who are making the world a better place rather than complaining about how frustrating it is to live in it. These are the bright lights that allow the rest of us to aspire to greater things.
18. If you could only pass on one bit of information to someone new to the lifestyle, what would it be?”
Breathe. No matter how much the folks you just met are trying to label you when you walk in to try to figure out how to treat you, breathe. Say hi, and know that they mean well… and that even if someone labels you something doesn’t mean it is what or who you are. You are a human on a journey, just like everyone else in the room, and its ok… just breathe.
